Restart all over again

ctrl alt del pillowsI don’t know how many times I had to restart things through my life. I don’t seem to get anything done. Most people already have so much more than me. I’m still in the same place I was when I was a teen. I live on the same street. I still spend my time on my childhood home. The only difference is that I’m older. I guess I’m just loyal. Mentally I’m a different person. I’ve been through life a different way than others. I experience death since I was 6 so my life has never been normal. Despite downfalls, I have got this far. Bad experiences have taught me to look at life in a different way. I’ve accepted things and then moved on.

What I had to restart the most are career choices. I’ve found something that has interested me but then I’ve changed my mind. It’s neither for me or the way to success is too long. The problem in finding a job in this country is, there are jobs in occupations I’m not interested in. I don’t want to restart anything occupation related again. Life is too short to have a job you don’t like. Too many stays because it pays the bills. It’s alright if it’s temporary but you shouldn’t set in your ways. I rather have a job I like and feel comfortable with. That’s why I always wanted to do something creative. But so does a lot of other people which is a bummer. I read an article the local newspaper where it said women and older people feel the most discriminated in a workplace. I already feel discriminated by not getting a second look by employers. I don’t really know if I should bother at all. Working for someone else that is. Some people are so demanding. They want you to do be something you’re not and they expect you to be perfect. They want you to dance to their tune. Then, of course, there are the other employees you have to work with. I would rather work alone then trying to fit into the company’s standards.

So I wouldn’t be completely out of doing nothing. I applied to a labour market training program for people who are thinking about entrepreneurship. I got in after applying to a few others. It’s mostly self-studying but there are at 5 meetings with the group. I could get information about having your own company online but I learn better if someone tells me about it. In a way, it’s another restart for me. I really hope all that studying will pay off because I don’t see I find a job soon. It’s not an easy road to have your own business but if I don’t try to take a chance, I’ll probably regret it. I really should be braver to do things but it’s not easy for me. I really don’t mind restarting things as long as I don’t need to do it over and over again.


Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?

pen on whiteIn web and graphic design there is a rule called, K.I.S.S (keep it simple stupid or silly) Why must life be so complicated when you can simplify it? Why can’t life be like in design? You shouldn’t need to have so many details. But when you deal with people simply isn’t always an option. We’re one of the most complicated creatures ever lived. It shouldn’t be that way. But what can you do? Some people just make things more difficult than it has to be.

What is common sense to one person, can be something else for another. For example, when I was a child people obeyed house rules. When the clock struck 10 pm, you weren’t allowed to play music out loud or make loud noises. But now it seems people don’t care what time it is. They have loud parties half the night and they don’t care who they disturb. How complicated is it to take others into consideration? Very difficult it seems. We live in a me-me-me society. As long as they have it good, no one else matters. You would think the world is full of idiots. Young people especially. They think they can do what they like without consequences. Fortunately, not everyone is like that. Some do have manners. It’s only that small group that hasn’t. I wonder how they will survive in adulthood if they can’t even behave now.

Any relationships are made complicated because people don’t talk to each other. They only assume what others are thinking. They mostly think about not hurting someone’s feelings. Honesty is much better than lying but you can be discreet about it. There are things you should keep to yourself. You don’t need to comment on everything you see. The limit between positive criticising and hurting someone can be difficult because some get more easily hurt than others. If you’re a sympathetic person, you know when to stifle it. You can put yourself in their place. If it only were that simple to others then there would probably less bullying or sexual harassment in the world. It really depends how your upbringing was. Your attitude comes from home. It’s the parent’s job to teach their children how to have respect for others. You can’t expect the teacher to teach them everything.

How simple life would be if you only needed to say, no don’t it or go ahead? No one would fight against it and everyone would be nice to each other. People would obey and accept the way things are. But it’s those emotions and feelings that spoils it all. Humans have complicated minds and nothing is simplified to us. Not everything needs to be so complicated though. Being nice to others should be easy. You don’t need to like a person but at least don’t be an idiot. A simple smile can save anyone’s day. Accepting differences is simple but there’s always someone resisting it. It’s really their problem. You shouldn’t let those ungrateful people spoil your life. Life should be as simplified as possible.

Their loss my gain

foggy tarmac road

Happy New year but it doesn’t begin like that. As I guessed I didn’t get the job. Typical but it’s their loss. I have a reservation for this kind of things. It’s never nice to be rejected but it’s not up to you if you get the job or not. The final decision is made by the employer. It does make you feel it’s not worth all the efforts. Never forget you’re not alone. A lot of people struggle with the same problems. Even the one who has found success despite being rejected a lot of times. Wham and George Michael come to mind. They sent demos to record companies but no one wanted to sign them. If they had given up, the pop culture would have looked a lot different. If you don’t believe in yourself, who will? I don’t think hard work will pay off completely. You also need some luck. Unfortunately, not everyone has it.

I always felt luck has never been on my side. It feels like I’m cursed. I have no luck in loyal friends nor in a job search. But I won’t let that discourage me. It’s really their loss and my gain. I don’t need to get stuck in one place or have the same people around. I am rather alone and that has worked so far. If no one wants to give me a chance, I can always try something else. I want to be a person who can say, I did it despite rejection and you really must lose sleep knowing you could have given me a chance. People always say it’s not healthy to be alone but I don’t agree. It’s unhealthy to be around people who don’t respect you. I’m old enough and experienced enough to know what kind of people I want to be around. I have met a lot of great people but I haven’t kept in touch. I’m not very good at having contact with anyone. I might have got along with them but still, I wasn’t on the same wavelength as them. I need someone who can keep up with my personality. I haven’t met anyone who could. People give up too easily.

I’ve had so much crap thrown at me over the years, it’s no wonder I don’t open up to people easily. My father often says I’m too sensitive but he doesn’t really understand what I’ve gone through. No one can really know how another person feels or think. You can imagine and support that person but their true thoughts are only known to them. I really love the song ‘Wouldn’t be good‘ by Nik Kershaw.  It describes my feelings perfectly. In some ways it’s a sad song but also have some hope. Things might look awful now but in the end, is the grass really greener on the other side? My things could be worse. No one’s life is perfect. Even the successful ones have problems. I rather be who and where I am right now. Things could always be a lot better but there is a time and a place for everything. Patience and motivation to fight on will save the day. Good things come for those who wait.