Leaves you answered with a question mark

question marksThe world is full of questions. It doesn’t matter what age you are, it always makes you bewildered. Some questions bring more questions. Some questions can’t be answered since there are different opinions. Some things no one has found the right answer to (e.g. cure for a disease) A question that everyone goes through in their child or adulthood, what to be when you grow up.

That’s something that bewildered me. Some people might find it irritating that I can’t decide. Just do something, they could say. But I don’t want to do just about anything. I’m picky and I don’t like to take risks. Maybe I’m afraid of failure. In a way, I am a perfectionist when it comes to decisions. Even if I did get support from my parents and I wasn’t forced to become something I didn’t want to. I knew what I didn’t want to be. That’s the easiest part. It’s quite rare for me to get excited about something. I might get interested in one thing and the next something totally different. That’s one of the reasons why my resume has a lot of different educations. You would think I could find a job easier because I’ve been through so much. But this is not a perfect world. Here, only job experiences matter. I don’t have a lot of those either. Some ask themselves why they can’t find the one. My question is, why can’t I find the job.

When I was a child I wanted to become a baker because I loved to bake. But then I realised you have to get up early in the morning and baking is not as fun as I thought. Especially when you have to clean everything afterwards. You romanticize occupations you see people do and when you find more about it, it’s not as interesting as you thought. I’m glad I’ve at least had some taste of different jobs through education. I wanted to become a journalist at one point because I wanted to meet celebrities. Then when I studied, I realised how difficult it is. There you need to know how to listen and write at the same time which I can’t do. I didn’t like to write that much either. An author was also one occupation I thought about but then you don’t get paid much for it unless you write a best-seller. At least not in Finland. I’m not that good either that I could make a living from it. Besides, I would probably get bored.

My problem has always been not being focused enough. My interests are so wide-ranged it’s difficult for me to stay at one or two subjects at a time. I’m both an introvert and a Gemini, both get bored easily. I also need my relaxing time. I don’t want my life to be surrounded by work. Unless it’s a job I really love doing. I keep changing my mind when I can’t find a job or I’m uncertain of what I can do. Even this web designer thing is giving me negative thoughts. I’ve found something I want to do but the way things are going, I don’t know if it’s really for me anyway. I know I shouldn’t give up. I should keep looking no matter what that voice keep saying. There are always solutions to most questions. The Internet is heaven for finding answers. It makes you feel less alone with your problems. Today, for example, I had a problem getting to the Admin part of my blog and I found the solution online. Without that this blog post wouldn’t have become reality. So some questions can be answered and you don’t need to be bewildered.

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Symphony for my ears

symphony

Not only the voices of actors Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Hiddleston and Lee Pace are a symphony for my ears but also music. My taste is wide-ranged and listens to a lot of different styles. However, there are certain and bands that are closer to my heart. I’m not that into these new artists even though the likes of Adam Lambert and Kelly Clarkson is quite high on my list. But they don’t give me the same feeling older ones get. Most of the bands and artists I like are still making music. Instead of making a list of all my favourites, I’m gonna mention a bit more of my most precious likes.

Duran Duran
I’ve mentioned this band in my older posts. I’ve liked them since the 80’s. They’re from Birmingham, England and they’ve been around since 1978 so it’s gonna be 40 years next year. They’ve changed its members a few times and some have come back. They still going strong despite all the problems. That’s saying a lot about them. They made great music in the 80’s and they still got it. They have so many great songs, I can’t choose one. They released their latest album ‘Paper Gods’ in 2015. They’re on tour right now but unfortunately not even close to Scandinavia. No one knows how long they will be touring so they probably won’t come to Finland. I really hope they do because in 2010 their concert got cancelled and that would have been my first ever concert. Going to see them live abroad is too expensive for me. Unless I win the lottery but that will never happen. Every song they’ve recorded makes me feel better. When my mother died, their music helped me get through my sorrow.

Bon Jovi
Like with Duran Duran, I’ve also liked them since the late 80’s. I think ‘Living on a Prayer’ from the ‘Slippery when wet’ album was the first song I heard and that was in 1986. My friend taped me their album ‘Keep the faith’ but I’ve never bought their albums. Their latest is called ‘This house is not for sale’ which is the first one I bought. I listened to it every day since it was released in 2016, that’s how much I love it. My favourite song of them of all time is, ‘You gave love a bad name’ You really don’t need to buy albums anymore because of Spotify but I actually prefer them. I’m not always online and a band like them, old school is always the best. They’ve been to Finland a lot of times which proves how popular they are here.

Take That
They were the first band that I became a big fan of. They’re from Manchester, England. I bought all their albums and watched their videos. I have a lot of VHS tapes that I recorded from different interviews and TV appearances. They’re really funny which is one of the reasons why I loved them so much. They split up in 1996 but reunited 10 years later as a 4 piece. Now they’re a trio and still sell millions in their country of UK. I don’t own their latest albums but I listen to them online from time to time. I’ve seen their concert in the movie theatre but that’s the closest I ever got. I’ve seen them live on TV before. They still sound great live. They also have so many great songs I can’t choose which one I love the best.

Robbie Williams
Next Thursday one of my dreams will come true. I’ll attend my first ever concert and he gets the honour so to speak. I’m very excited about this I can hardly contain myself. He was a member of Take That in the 90’s. He’s been through a lot but pulled through. He’s one of the best selling artists in the world and now I’m going to see him play live. The only time I’ve seen him live was in the movie theatre but it wasn’t enough to feed my needs. My favourite song is ‘Strong’ because he really is strong and it’s a couraging to all of us. His music gets right to my soul. I can’t really explain the feeling his music gives me. As I write this, I listen to his latest album ‘The heavy entertainment show‘ on Spotify. He’s getting better as the years go by. He as a person is also great. He was so funny when he was in Take That and that humour is still there. That’s one of the reasons why he’s so well liked.

Michael Jackson
He really was the King of Pop. He made great music and his dancing was amazing. A lot of artists have him as a hero and so is he to me. He was not only a great entertainer but he cared a lot about the world. I was really sad when he passed away. No matter what people think of him, without him there wouldn’t be other artists. He was an inspiration to everybody. My favourite song is ‘The way you make me feel’ because of the beat. It’s really amazing how many people can make the moves he made. I’ve seen his live performances on TV and there’s a lot of those videos on Youtube. He really made a real impact in pop culture and he should always be remembered as a great musical genius.

Madonna
She’s my female hero. Like with Michael, she’s an inspiration to many. She never cared what others think of her. She’s never been afraid to be different. That’s what I most admire about her. I wish I could be as brave as her. She’s a pioneer and she’s proved that a woman can do things men can do. Like with some other artists and bands I’ve mentioned, I liked her music since the 80’s. My favourite song from that area is ‘Who’s that girl?’ Honestly, her older songs are better than the one in 2000’s. Even though I like some of her newer stuff as well. I don’t only like her music but also as a person. She’s really caring about the world and her children are very important. She’s open- minded and she’s showed the world you’re worth the same no matter what sexuality or colour you are.

So there you have it. I have so many other favourites but those are the most loved. Any kind of music is a symphony for my years but pop and rock are number one. I couldn’t live without music. If I only had one reason to live, it would be that one. It will never die even if the person does. Some become classics and still sound great after decades but some will be forgotten. I’m not judging but what people listen to these days are appalling but each to their own. New bands and artists come and go but music, in general, will always remain.

Advent Calendar, Day 5

butterfly
Butterfly girl by Duran Duran

For some Christmas can be a depressive time but there’s still a tomorrow after that. Instead of listening to Christmas carols, you can listen to songs that lifts up your spirit. Instead of wishing to vanish from this earth, how about trying to think something positive. Of course it’s difficult to tell a person who actually do suffer from mental illness to get over it. But if you only feel down from time to time, then thinking positive can help.

When I feel down, music is my savor. The lyric in the photo is from a song by Duran Duran. The lyrics say

Now you’re drunk in the dream of your life as dirt
It might last forever, and that really hurts
And I still hope you’re gonna realize
There’s only one kind of happy in that glass of wine

Some find comfort in food or alcohol but that’s not away to feel better. The problems will still be there. You should try to handle your feelings in some other way. Things are never as bad as we think they are. There’s always a solution to everything. The problem with humans are that we think we’re alone with our problems but there are others too who suffer the same way. That’s one of the reasons why blogging is such a good way to express yourself. Not just blogging but writing in general is good therapy. It doesn’t need to be online. I wrote diaries for years and it helped me a lot. Substances are only a temporary solution and it causes more problems. Talking to someone or writing about your feelings is a much more effective way.

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday but in recent years it has become less important. The reason is that our family has reduced. Now it’s only me and my father left. We will be going to Riga again this year because that’s the easiest. As a kid the holiday was more important. I think when I’m alone, I won’t be celebrating it at all. Christmas food has never really been my favorite food anyway. I’m a bit lazy to make any and the ones you can buy are not good at all. The only thing I would make myself is a dry cake and joulutorttu (Christmas tart) Christmas won’t never be a depressive time for me because I’ll always find something positive about it. The only time I was sad at Christmas was when my mother had died about 8 days earlier (December 15, 2013) I still get teared up when I think about that Christmas. Nothing felt important. I only wanted to cry. She was the one who made Christmas. When she was gone, it was never the same again.

Listening to lyrics that tells about things that turns into positive is a great boost. It makes you feel better and it helped me cope with my mourning period. For example the Monty Python song “Always look on the bright side of life” No matter how bad things are, there’s always something good. That song always brings a smile on my face. There are a lot of other songs of positive thinking. Even a beat of a song makes me happy. Music all year around and not only at Christmas. That’s the right drug to be addicted to.

 

 

 

Tallenna

Tallenna