Life is a carousel

carousel and blue sky

I never liked roller coasters. I went once in a small one and I hated it. I kept my eyes closed the whole time. It’s the speed that I don’t like. I’m a carousel person. I don’t want any drama and I don’t like conflict. I always try to be careful. I never broke a bone in my life. I’ve had fractures but never broken any. I slipped on ice once where I fractured my left hand. That’s the only time I’ve needed a plaster. I had to wear it for a month and it was hell. I couldn’t even brush my hair and not to forget when taking a shower. Since then I promised myself I would never hurt myself like that again. Every time I slip on something, I get cold chills but luckily nothing has been broken. I’ve hurt all of my limbs and sometimes it feels like I’m invalid. There are things I can’t do anymore that I could when I was younger. For example, I can’t crouch down or sit cross legged. Especially the latter. I sat like that in 1994 and I fractured my right knee so I had to go through an arthroscopic surgery. I had to walk with crutches for a month and then had to go to rehabilitation. There was so much fuss to go through that situation. Clothing yourself, brushing your hair and to move from one place to another. When I see athletes hurting their knees, I feel their pain. I can’t stand pain so I try to avoid it as much as I can. Last time I hurt myself badly was about 4 years ago when I slipped on dirt and my left leg got bent backwards. My leg hurt like hell but nothing was broken. My ankle doesn’t work properly though. I never went to the doctor to get it checked. I haven’t dared to put my skiing boots on so I haven’t slalom skid for years because of that.

I always think before speaking which had caused problems. I just think too much and then the situation is over. I could have done a lot of things if I hadn’t been so careful but there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t regret anything though. Things that have happened in my life has been out of my control. You can’t change people’s attitude against you. Seeing what other people have gone through in their relationships, I’m glad I haven’t had any of those problems. Some things I wish I could have experienced but that’s personal stuff so I won’t go into that. I’ve always done things what I feel at that moment. I’m not looking for a special adventure. Life itself is one but slower. I don’t know why you need to experience exciting things to feel you lived a life. You can live a quiet life and still be satisfied. I guess some feel more alive to “brag” about how great their life is. I feel alive when I listen to my favourite songs or favourite movies. I’m a homebody and when I’m alone I’m more relaxed.

I’ve always done things what I feel at that moment. I’m not looking for a special adventure. Life itself is one but slower. I don’t know why you need to experience exciting things to feel you lived a life. You can live a quiet life and still be satisfied. I guess some feel more alive to “brag” about how great their life is. I feel alive when I listen to my favourite songs or favourite movies. I’m a homebody and when I’m alone I’m more relaxed. I don’t need to go out to parties or drink myself senseless. That has never been me and never will. Sometimes it is nice to get out of you daily routines. Some years ago I never thought I would have the courage to see a live concert and this Thursday I’ll finally take that step. At the Robbie Williams concert, there will be at least 30 000 people so I hope it won’t become too overwhelming. I don’t suffer from anxiety so I’ll be just fine. It will be a roller coaster but it will feel like a giant carousel.

Tallenna

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