There are times when I live in this fantasy world where everything is easy and simple. But then I tell myself to snap out of it. Life is not easy. You won’t get the exact job you want nor the person you really love. Things doesn’t go the way you imagine it in real life. There are a lot of things that is in the way of your wishes.
I find myself caught up in the fan fiction I write. I rather live in that world than this one. But then I snap out of it. It’s just a story and it’s not real. People don’t realise that what I write in those stories are actually things I like. In real life I wouldn’t show that side of me to other people. Except for a really special “friend”. It’s not that I’m embarrassed, it’s just things I rather keep to myself. I don’t want to give a weird impression of me. I should snap out of this. I said too much.
I also get negative thoughts about my career choices. I feel I’ll never get a job because I’m too much of a coward. It does feel hopeless and I feel like giving up. I’m not confident about my skills either. Am I even good enough to do a job? But then I snap out of it. I tell myself not to give up. There are people with worse problems. Some people don’t even have a home so why am I complaining?
If I didn’t have this fantasy world in my head, I don’t know how I would survive this life unharmed. I need this escape from reality. That’s one of the reasons music, television and movies are a big part of my life. The same with writing fiction. I must have a way to write down my thoughts and desires. I don’t want to snap out from make-believe. I like being there from time to time. It makes me happy and it makes me feel good. Everybody needs a reason to live and to me that’s it.