Whataya want from me

I know you mean well. You are following me. But why do you follow me? That is a question I keep asking myself. Why do people follow me? My blog is probably the most boring place there is. At least that’s how it seems. Maybe it’s just my interests that doesn’t excite people. I’m OK with that. I don’t read blogs that doesn’t interest me either.

Every time I’m on WordPress and other social media places, I feel alone. Even if I see people visiting it still feels useless. Instead I could do something else than be here. It seems when I write my own stuff, there’s not many likes or views. Compared to 2014, there’s been less views this year. Expect the post about Duran Duran which was the most visited post of all time. Since Daily Post stopped with the weekly writing challenge, it’s been more quiet. Stuff like that helps to get views. Not even the Daily Prompt has had the same effect.

To tell you the truth, personally I think the concept on this blog has become a bore. But I still refuse to become one of those people who write about their personal life. If this was a blog like that it would look a bit like this.

“Woke late today since I go to bed at 4 am. Went to my dad’s to drink coffee like I always do. Then it was 7 pm and I was on my lap top. Listen to music. Watched Youtube videos. Then I went home to bed at 3 am”

Like that. Who wants to read something that boring. Not me. That’s no one business what I do anyway. I can write about a subject I like but when it comes to daily stuff I rather keep it private. I will keep this blog no matter what. I might complain about not getting enough of views or comments from time to time (I won’t make a habit of it though) but I won’t stop writing. If I stopped writing I might just as well stop living. I could just sleep all day and watch TV all but that’s not what I want. Nothing will bring be down. Not even a small problem like how to get more followers or views to a blog (Twitter and Tumblr included) will bring me down. I write what I want so deal with that.

Thanks for the follows and please do stick around.

Just don’t give up on me
I won’t let you down– Whataya want from me by Adam Lambert

Travel is a far-fetched dream

Source: http://geology.com/world/world-map.shtml

Travel had always been popular. For pleasure, not business. It’s even easier now then it was before. Especially in Europe if your country is in the European Union where the currency is Euro. I have had my share of traveling. My family did those trips to Lapland to ski. We were there in the summer as well a few times. Then we’re traveled to Europe. But then I was a child and it was less expensive since I was 6 (or 7) and my parents didn’t have to pay extra for the hotels. Then of course when I studied in another city. That was the first time I traveled alone. I was 17. We’ve also done trips to different cities in Finland. Cruises to Stockholm several times. 2008 we went to Germany. Then we’ve been on a Christmas cruise to Riga in Latvia. Went last Christmas too. First time without mother. Spent half a day in the city.  The only travel I’ve been doing lately was to Helsinki twice a month by train or bus when I studied photography there.

So why did I choose that subject, far-fetched dream? What do I complain about? Some people never get to see other places. I should be lucky that I have traveled somewhere. As any other travel fan, once you started you can’t stop. I like to travel. But you need money to do that. Which I don’t have. You also need courage. The same with that. If I had money to travel, just going somewhere is hard. With internet it’s easier to book trips but I don’t really trust those services. Traveling alone in this world, has its risks too. I’m not that adventurous either. Traveling in my own country is easier than going abroad. Being a single traveler is also more expensive. I’m not really into sharing a room with strangers. That’s where my introversion kicks in. It’s a burden from time to time.

You only live once sounds cliché but it’s true. My life won’t be less lived if I don’t travel to a lot of places. I don’t need that much excitement. But when I read or hear people talking about where they’ve been, I feel a bit jealous. Especially if they’ve been to a sport event. It’s positive jealousy. I feel happy for the person. I just wish I could have the money to travel more. Since I like travelling I wish I had a budget to do that. Who doesn’t like to see other parts of the world and stay in hotels where you don’t even have to tidy your own bed?

The way things are going on in my life, travel will remain a far-fetched dream. I don’t believe dreams can come true. At least my dreams won’t. It may sound pessimistic but with my luck I never getting anywhere. If it comes to friends, studying or finding a job, I’ve had no luck whatsoever. At least I’ve got some travel experiences. That’s something not everyone have. I got years to live so maybe one day I’ll get to travel more. If there’s a will, there’s a way. If I only were that brave and adventurous though. You also need luck and money to travel. Because let’s face it, you need luck to get a job that pays well and to travel you need money. The way the economics is at the moment, especially in Finland, to get those things is impossible. Unless I win the lottery which is even more far-fetched. The only trips I could afford would be cruises to Stockholm. But when you’re been on those 1000 of times, you get bored with it.

Being a photographer seeing other countries would be a dream come true. But again, no money. If I’ll never travel again I hope it will be at least to New Zealand. That’s been a dream of mine for years. Maybe one day I get there. If not, at least I haven’t stopped dreaming.

I feel so…helpless

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Helpless.”

so helpless
Scene from Star Wars Revenge of the Sith

Last time I felt really helpess was when my mother became sick. That’s something you don’t wish to anyone. Especially a family member. Cancer is a bitch. It takes all the strenght out of a person. Worse thing was that she wouldn’t survive of it. The day when the doctor told her there were nothing they could do, I realized how helpless I was. Seeing her getting weaker was the worse thing I’ve ever experienced.

During the treatment, it looked like she was feeling better. There was hope. But then when no one can make the disease go away, you wish there was something you could do. In reality you can’t. It’s not a movie where anything is possible. You never know how the person who is sick really feels. But you can be there for them. Help them as long as you can. That’s what I did. But when she couldn’t even walk without help, I knew I couldn’t do anything about it anymore. She lived at home for a week until she was so weak, she had to move to the hospice. One day she could sit in a wheel chair and talk but the next laying in bed difficulties to breathe. That was my most helpless moment.

When you feel helpless like that, it’s just a weak moment. It’s normal when you see a person you love suffer. But if you’re helpless doing daily stuff, like switching a light off, then you have a problem. It’s alright to be helpless for a while. But it should not affect how you function in life. Like my mother used to say (in Swedish of course) “Pull yourself together”