An ordinary childhood turned to tears

two girls from the back

I had an ordinary childhood. We were a 4 member family who lived in an apartment building. We went on trips, had birthday parties, had friends, spent time with grandmothers, had disagreements and so on. We didn’t have any pets since my sister was allergic. It was a good childhood for me. But things wouldn’t stay the same. We as a family had to go through a tough period which is something not everyone has to go through. One part of my childhood ended in tears. My sister got sick and she was only 10 years old. Life wasn’t the same after that. My mother took care of her. We spent a lot of times in the hospital which is the reason I don’t like them to this day. I was only 6 years old so I don’t remember much. I remember bits of it. Some of the hospital visits and when she was home. Also something about her last days or so. One memory of it was that she couldn’t swallow food anymore so she had to be fed through a tube. I can imagine how my parents felt for losing their child like that. Seeing a loved one fade away is the hardest thing. No one should go through it.
We went to Europe after she passed away to recover. We were somewhere in Austria when the head of my doll fell off and I cried like it had been a real person. I think that was my way of mourning even if I didn’t know it at the time. I remember it like it was yesterday. The head of the doll was put back on so that wasn’t a serious “injury”

When you go through this kind of things in your childhood, it affects the rest of your life. When other have problems with their siblings, I think, at least they got one. They don’t know how it feels like to grow up without one. I’m sure I would have been a totally different person if my sister was still alive. On the other hand, if I wouldn’t have gone through it, I couldn’t sympathise with someone who’s lost a loved one the same way I do now. You learn that life is not always they way you want it to be. Nothing shouldn’t be taken granted. All you can do is grow as a human and enjoy all the small things life gives you.

I’m glad I had a childhood. There are children who have it worse. Today they have to grow up faster and that causes problems. Kids should have the right to play outside without having to carry their smartphones with them. It seems modern technology has made people lazy and it’s infecting the kids too. I played outside a lot when I was a kid. Today parents are worried something will happen to their children so they don’t let them go anywhere alone. But it is understandable because the world is not as safe as it was when I was a kid. I wouldn’t want to be one now. My childhood was safe. The first time I went to the store by myself, I was only 3 years old. I could only carry one milk carton though 😀 You couldn’t let someone that young go anywhere alone today. Even though my childhood turned to tears, it was still a happy time. I’m still here and I survived. That’s what matters the most.

Life has its ups and downs. Like in ‘Rollercoaster‘ by Bon Jovi. Life is a rollercoaster and not a merry-go-round. I like the latter better because drama makes life stressful when there’s a lot of that. Would be nice to have something good once in a while but you have to deal with the cards you get. It’s all the small things that make life worth living and that’s something everyone deserves to know.

Concert symptoms

When you get the concert ticket in the mail, you know the concert is happening for real.

That’s what I thought when I got the ticket to the Robbie Williams concert in Finland on August 10. It’s 4 months to that but I already got concert symptoms. I got the collector ticket so I feel like a VIP. I’ve never been to a real concert before so this one will be one of those, been there done that things. I’m really excited but also a worry how to get home. I haven’t really thought this through. I have to take the bus but I don’t know when the concert is over and how long it takes to get out of the stadium. I can’t afford a hotel either. Oh well, problems can always be solved. Besides, there’s still time to think about that.

I’ve seen Robbie in concert in the movie theatre so I know what a great performer he is. Now I’m actually gonna see him live for real. It’s not just him but also Erasure who’s the warm up band. So it’s to kill two birds with one stone. It’s gonna be a night to remember.

Accept me for what I am

elephant toy at a window
Nori watching the rain

Being a teenager is not easy. You get easily sensitive about your appearance and other people’s opinions. You have so many different issues about everything in your life, it feels overwhelming. What’s even harder is trying to get acceptance from others. Some people wants you to be like them and you try hard to impress them. There’s stress about what you want to do for a living. These days it’s more difficult since there’s so much to choose from. Then you read magazines or blogs where they tell you what’s you should do. All kinds of tips about how to lose weight or what to wear. If you’re not acting the same way as everybody else, you lose confidence and try to fit it. In the end, it doesn’t matter what others think. You should accept who you are. You know yourself best and who are others to judge.

I’ve been there. I’ve been worried what others think of me. I didn’t like people looking at me because I thought they thought something negative about me. I wouldn’t want to go back to my teens. I prefer being older and wiser. People should accept me for what I am because I won’t become someone else. Pretentious people are the worse. They pretend to be nice and friendly but they’re actually trying to make a fool of you. Those popular people kids in school who got a lot of friends and dated a lot of people. They never had a bad skin or got heavy. They always looked perfect. It was all a shell with no personality. You still see teens dress the same way and listen to the same kind of music. Nothing has changed and probably never will. Now they have the internet where they can bully people all day without getting caught. I’m glad there weren’t social media when I was a teen. I had a childhood and teenhood without extra pressure.

I’ve always had an own mind. You can call it stubborn. I never do things with force. If you tell me to do something, I won’t do it to please you. I do it with my own time. It’s different if it’s an important job to do. The person I am in my free time is different from the working one. I’m a Gemini which has a lot to do with it I guess. I don’t understand why someone says I’m quiet. I’m not. I just don’t talk nonsense. Some people talk too much so I don’t get a word in. Then they wonder why I don’t say much. That’s weird. But they can say what they want. I am what I am and I accept myself the way I am. I’ve come this far in life and won my so- called demons. I don’t care about what others think of me and I won’t get upset if someone tries to hurt my feelings. It’s better to be alone than be with someone who can’t accept me. You’re supposed to wear whatever others are wearing and act like any other but I don’t want to be like anyone. That’s the problem with the world. You should be yourself and yet you shouldn’t show it to others. Where’s the logic in that?

When I read about job searching and how to get hired. It always says, in 5 minutes you have to impress the employer. I’m sorry but you don’t know anything about how I am after such a short time. I really dislike the first impression thing. I’m not good at it at all. I don’t talk to people I don’t know and I won’t try to be something I’m not. They probably think they have an impression of me as soon as I enter the room. No matter how I prepare for social gatherings, I still get tongue-tied. It’s like my mind become empty and all my courage is gone. And I still get called quiet. If I was, I wouldn’t talk in a week. I don’t love my voice that much that I want to talk all the time. Talking too much is stressful and your throat gets dry. Wasting your energy on boring subjects is time-consuming and I rather be doing something more productive. That’s one of the reasons why I would be a good employee, I don’t waste time on gossiping.

Everyone have the right to be what they want to be and with anyone they want. It’s up to the person to learn that there’s always gonna be people who have negative thoughts. People fear things they can’t understand. You don’t have to change for anyone. Don’t take things personally. It’s not you, it’s the other person who has issues. You get more confidence when you get older. Things happen for a reason. If I hadn’t gone through what I have been through, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Bad people shouldn’t control our lives. Keep your chin up and try to ignore whatever is thrown at you. Accept yourself for who you are and nothing will be in the way of your happiness.

(grammar checked with Grammarly)