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Everything on this blog is genuine. Everything I write belongs to me. I stand by every word I write. These are my opinions and I hope you all respect them. Most of the photos you see here are taken by me. Please don’t take them because that’s not really nice. If you want to use this material, please ask my permission first. Thank you!

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Always doubting

woman watching sunsetI’ve been told I’m too tentative, sensitive to things. In a way it is true. I’m very careful who I open up to. As I’ve got older, my trust in other people has decreased. There are things in life I haven’t achieved because I’ve been too careful. In some things, it’s good to be. I haven’t got myself into trouble. I haven’t spent my time with the wrong people. In my teens, I spent my time at home. I had friends but it was when I was younger. I have never had the urge to experiment. I have never tried smoking or got drunk. Hell, I’m a goody two shoes and I’m not ashamed of it. A smart person doesn’t need to be like everyone else. I have not found a point in trying things. I haven’t missed anything. Some think you haven’t lived if you haven’t experienced certain things. Best time to live is seeing other people making mistakes so you don’t repeat them. I don’t need to act crazy to live a life.

Sometimes I think how boring my life has been. But when I start to think what I’ve been through, I’ve actually had enough of drama. There are things you only realise after you had a long thought about it. I don’t really want more excitement in my life. I’ve been through things most people haven’t. Too much excitement makes me anxious. In small doses it’s fine. Being too tentative can have its disadvantage. You don’t get things other people might get. If I had a job where I could get a raise or a promotion, I would be the last in line. I don’t have enough courage to put myself out there. I’m always doubting what could go wrong or I won’t get my point across. Instead of even trying to do things, I rather skip it altogether. That’s been one of my flaws and I’ve worked on that all of my adult life.

No one is perfect and you have to know it yourself. If you’re too confident of yourself, you think you’re above everyone else. It’s easier to get enemies that way. You shouldn’t be too doubtful about yourself either. Too much of anything is too much. Being tentative shouldn’t be a bad thing. It’s better to be safe than rush into things without thinking about the consequences.

All by myself

meditatingIt’s not good to be alone, they say but I disagree. I actually feel more confident when I’m alone. It’s glorious to be alone. Other people stress me out. I like being alone with my thoughts. I don’t need anyone to cling on me. The only one I talk to is my dad. I both like and dislike meeting new people. It’s nice to see other people but it’s also stressful trying to be social. Being social doesn’t only mean talking. You can also be the observer. There’s a lot to learn by just listening to other people. I can’t understand how some people are so obsessed being with people. There’s nothing wrong being alone. Being alone is better than be with the wrong people. I guess some people need company more than others.

I’ve never really found a friend who’s on the same wavelength as me. When I meet new people it feels like it’s forced to start a conversation or keep one up. I rather be all by myself. Besides, when you’re alone, you don’t have to ask permission from anyone. I even go to the movies alone. I can go and watch anything I like. If I still watched TV (there’s nothing on) I could watch anything and I don’t have to argue with anyone. Living alone is glorious because of that. It’s not for everyone but for me it’s perfect. I don’t have to answer to anyone and it’s gonna stay that way.

Tallenna